[RING RING… RING RING]
Me: Hello, Stuart Fox….
Caller: [silence] ….. Good afternoon can I speak to Mr or Mrs Fox please.
Caller: Hello, I am calling from the Legal Bureau and we are phoning round the local area to let people know about our free service for anyone who has had an accident.
Me: Good, I’ve had an accident I think!
Caller: Oh [sounding slightly surprised]… What happened?
Me: I’ve found a great big crack running down the middle of my bottom!
Caller: …. How did this happen?
Me: I just noticed it this morning. A Huge crack running right down the centre of my ass!
Caller: Thank you, have a nice day. Goodbye.
Me: Thank you.